I know that things are difficult for you but I promise everything will be okay. You’ll find your real friends in time and when you do, it’ll have been worth the wait. They’re amazing girls and they’ll have your back. You aren’t invisible even though it feels that way. Dad and granda can be the most annoying and embarrassing people on the planet but you’re blessed with your family so remember not to take them for granted.
There are a lot of hard times ahead of you but just keep going. Don’t give up. It will feel like it will never end but it will, and when it does, living will be worth it. I can’t promise you’ll be thin and pretty when you’re older because at 19 I’m still working on that but stay healthy. Don’t throw away your lunch and stop being in friendship groups that make you cry. You’ll go through a few different friends before you find the right ones but once you’ve got them they aren’t going anywhere.
I would tell you to put the scissors down. I would tell you your skin is too delicate. But I’m not going to. There are times ahead when you will need to do it and there are times that you will want to. Resist, as much as you can, but learn. Learn from the bleeding and learn from the scars, they are part of your story. Look at them as a sign of strength, rather than weakness.
Don’t even bother trying to impress boys, be yourself because in the end – that’s who they will like. You will fall in love and you will have your heart broken. It’s not the end of the world – but it feels that way. You’re allowed to hurt. Follow your brother’s advice, when you get older you’ll learn he’s pretty good at it. You trust easily and you give second chances. Hell, you give eight, nine ten chances and don’t let people tell you it’s a bad thing. Your mother is always right about people, even when you don’t want her to be.
Just keep going the way you are and everything will work out in the end. Be prepared for some rough times and some amazing memories. Never forget that God has a plan for you.
Your 19 Year Old Self